10 Goals and Practices for Leading Teams. No 4. Empathise with stakeholders - more, with skill

Introduction

Empathy is the ability to recognise and appreciate the feelings and concerns of another person. Empathy between people in the team is vital of course as members identify with each other. But the flip-side of this is often to create a dynamic between “us” and “them”. The “them” are people outside the team with a vested interest - stakeholders. When stakeholders make demands of the team, the team can turn on them with enmity and to each other with sympathy. But the systemic nature of teams means empathy needs to be outwards as well as inwards. This takes skill to counter the dominant dynamic of “us” and “them”.

The Goal

To have empathy for ourselves whilst also empathising with the team’s stakeholders, and their stakeholders.

The Practice

Use the “empty chair” technique. Put the name of a specific stakeholder on an empty chair at your next team meeting. Even though there is no stakeholder, the chair provides a physical presence which is felt by the team. Notice that feeling - ask for comments. How do the team respond? 
Invite someone to sit in the chair, and voice the points of view of the stakeholder. Avoid asking questions about the team - “what do you think of us?” or “what feedback would you give us?”. Instead, ask questions about them - “what’s your biggest problem?” and “who is your most important stakeholder?”

How does the sitter answer? How much empathy do they have fo the stakeholder? And how do the team behave towards the stakeholder? How much empathy do they have?

But don’t stop there. What would having more empathy be like? Experiment with greater listening, summarising, and asking open questions to learn more about the stakeholder’s situation. Then get out of the room and meet with the stakeholder - using these better honed skills. And feel the result as your team better empathises with “them”.

Links to the other nine Goals and Practices for Leading Teams:

No 1. Be clearer on the team's purpose

No 2. Appreciate team dynamics - and use them to team better

No 3. Let's ditch SMART objectives and replace them with OKRs

No 4. Empathise with our stakeholders - more, with skill

No 5. Don't motivate your team - create the conditions for them to motivate themselves

No 6. Make performance a team game

No 7. Agree on how to disagree

No 8. Don't delegate, or empower - coach

No 9. Let the team engage with uncertainty

No 10. Learn to self-manage - together